Trash Talk Without Malice: Writing Rivalries That Don't Feel Mean

Here's the difference between a roast and bullying. A roast punches at a trait the target is proud of. Bullying punches at a trait the target can't change. It's a small distinction. It determines whether your ad goes viral or gets pulled.

I've seen too many brand campaigns cross this line and get destroyed in a single news cycle. The agency thought they were being edgy. They were actually being cruel. The difference wasn't obvious to anyone inside the room, which is why you need a heuristic.

Heuristic one: is the target proud of the trait?

The Burger King is proud of being weird. Mock his weirdness. That's a roast — you're acknowledging something he's leaned into.

Ronald McDonald is proud of being family-friendly. Mock his family-friendliness. Also a roast — again, a trait he's chosen.

But if you mock something the target can't change — their appearance in ways they've never embraced, their past controversies that aren't part of their brand strategy, their real-world failures — you're not roasting. You're attacking. The audience feels the difference instantly.

Heuristic two: does the competitor laugh?

The best test of whether you're roasting or bullying: would the competitor's marketing team laugh at this in private? If yes, you're in roast territory. They might publicly complain, but internally they'll respect the craft.

If the answer is "no, their marketing team would get quiet and start drafting a legal response," you've crossed the line. The ad might still be funny to your audience, but you've created an enemy, not a rival. That's a meaningful difference in brand strategy.

Rivals make each other stronger. Enemies drain both sides. Aim for rivalry.

Heuristic three: would the joke survive role-reversal?

Write the joke. Then imagine the competitor writing the same joke about you. Does it still feel fair?

If yes, ship it. You've found content that works regardless of who's delivering it. That's the sign of craftsmanship.

If no — if you'd be furious at the reverse — you've written something one-sided, and the audience can sense that asymmetry even if they can't name it. Those kinds of jokes age badly. They look cruel in retrospect even if they worked in the moment.

The real stakes

Why does any of this matter? Because brand rivalries are long-term relationships, and mean-spirited content forecloses on the relationship.

Burger King and McDonald's have been mocking each other for forty years, and they've both benefited. Wendy's has been roasting everyone since 2017, and every competitor treats them with grudging respect. These are sustainable rivalries because the humor stays in roast territory.

Compare to the brands that crossed the line: Chick-fil-A mocking same-sex couples, Pepsi's Kendall Jenner protest ad, Peloton's 2019 husband-gives-bike spot. None of those were technically bullying, but all of them violated some version of these heuristics. The fallout was disproportionate to the content, because the audience could feel the asymmetry.

Write roasts. Don't write attacks. The difference looks small on the page and enormous in the discourse.